smile-

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

be more gracious with my words?

it is inevitable for one to undergo the peaks and trough of life, and though some may bear life with fortitude and tranquil grace, but not me.
when life hits me with a curve ball, i contravene by writing entries saturated with raw emotions, converting chagrin into words.

the emotional intensity of an entry rises in accordance with the emotions forming in me at that particular time. the more the emotions form, the higher the likelihood of presenting a brusque entry.
it will be good to bear in mind that all entries were written solely for the purpose of self-reference, or well, at least for a small grp of friends. thus, it will be beneficial to exercise discernment when reading my entires, along with a pinch of salt.

i spotted an uncanny resemblance between an ephermeron and me-- short lived.
my anger and emotions are short lived, just like the emotional entries-- a product of my overly sensitive nature. over time, all these will come to a decrescendo as reality takes precedence over my innate emotions.
alot of entries are written at the spur of the moment, and in the process, i may commit a faux pas by writing tactlessly. but yeah, overlook this, for im merely being me.

i reckon my thoughts are best expressed through words, albeit harshly. with that, i shall give Graciousness a miss and continue to bask in Unequivocalness.

engaging in msn conversations and blogging at the same time is a no-go, my train of thought has been disrupted. ahhhhhhhh! nvm, i shall go grab a drink instead.

claire, thank you. the chats have been invigorating! i think ive found a friend in you, haha (:

lets do this together. 1 comments

1:23 AM

Monday, June 19, 2006

people do change, i presume?

trust me, i'll write a limpid entry very soon. but for now, try to unravel this not-exactly-hard-to-decipher entry.

for the past few days, my mind have been choked with countless thoughts. and i think that is why god allowed me to find someone who identifies, and agrees
en masse along with me.
i shall address this person as R.

excerpts from the msn conversation with R:

R: he's damn gd friend
R: sigh
R: i forgot abt this gd friend of mine alrd

me: did u go __ with them?
R: nope
R: thats why i am here
R: lol, they didnt even ask me out

me: i just found out that he's really married.
R: wahhaha
R: i sort of knew alrd
R: i dont care alrd
R: he never tell us he is with her
R: thats nice
me: he's like this
me: when he was with __, i found out after a few mths u know!
me: felt like i was the biggest loser kinda thing
R: no its not that ur loser
R: its u have gd friends
R: i mean a gd friend
R: i really think its wrong of a friend to be like that.

me: kinda take things for granted eh?
R: we have to accept them the way they are la
R: even though i dont approve of them behaving like this, they're still our friends.
R: nonchalent

me: i was wondering, will he still ask me along if i did not ask him abt playing ball later?
R: ahha
R: doubt he will

me: you wna come along?
R: i dont attend uninvited events
R: u go ahead la

me: i dare bet that they wil nv figure out why we are unhappy
R: i can confirm that they will be very clueless why we aint happy
R: whahaha
R: SAME THINKING!

R: later, he will tell __ abt the nick and all
R: and their gonna be hell clueless
R: and they wil talk abt it for awhile
R: then make up a lot of dumb ideas
R: and then
R: forget everything again

maybe it is not a very gd idea to post all these on my blog, but i reckon i can do with some venting.

i love you guys and always will.

lets do this together. 2 comments

5:51 PM

Saturday, June 17, 2006

teckyang just wants the best.

the night is suffused with dark shades of grey, its frail beauty a stark contrast to the morning sky. the wind hummed a therapeutic melody and not far away, the leaves of the trees rustled in approval - hardly conspicuous their conversation was, but certainly sufficient to whisper of untold tales.

as humans, we are in many ways similar to the leaves of the trees; in an appropriate situation and under the influence of enthusiastic cajoling, we'll speak of our not-entirely-dignified secrets and allow our hearts to unfurl from its then hardened state.

i'll like to be naked with my emotions, and share explicitly of the struggles im facing to friends around me, but it is not possible.
ploughing through the soil of my heart, i discovered a distintive trait - the soil only permit specific seeds to grow and thrive. in the same way, i only trust and share my wildest secrets to specific friends.

to the friends mentioned above, ive a small request. like how i bared my heart, i sincerely await the reciprocative sharing of yours. the time to remove the inscrutable mask has come, it is now.
im afriad that one way sharing will lead to the dilution of our friendship, eventually driving us towards the road of disintegration. i do not wish to face this possibilitly and so decided to preempt such an eventuality by imploring my friends to be less secretive.

i ask not of a sub-standard relationship, but the best.
share, speak and do life together.

--check back in a few days time, i'll be blogging again.

lets do this together. 0 comments

12:00 AM